It’s time for my periodic telling folks what’s good post. I know, you read fark and drudge so you know all the cool stuff, right?

Sorry. The kids have been out there making new exciting things on the interweb using technology that soulds like diseases and cleaning products and it’s cool. Are you ready to be cool and tell other people?

First we’ll be funny. ZeFrank has a couple mintues of commentary daily and he’s pretty darn good. A little crazy, but it’s fun stuff. And he doesn’t blink. Then there are those questions where your life experience just won’t do, and you need to Ask A Ninja. Thankfully a ninja hasn’t killed you yet, so you get a chance to visit this website.

You are probably cool enough to have Firefox, but the question is do you have all the cool stuff? Do you want to be able to cut down on spam and instantly create disposable email addresses? Gish Puppy has got you covered. Right click and in one step you have a site customized disposable address. Tab Mix Plus customizes your tabs. ForecastFox Enhanced will give you a quick three day forecast in the bottom of your browser, but even cooler than that is it will give you radar images too. You already use del.icio.us so you should have the extension installed. Since baseball is no longer the new hotness, you have to stay up on your football scores. And Update Notifier will keep all of your extensions current, so you stay cool. (you could try to be extra cool and use flock, but trying to be cool is so uncool. But I think flock might just be cool.)

But Midnight, doesn’t anyone surf websites anymore? No. You can Digg (but it’s not better than the dot).

I remember Napster… No Napster, no Pirate Bay, just mininova. And torrents, get Azureus.

“I’m more of an email type of person”, you say. So play games by email.

That should be enough to get you by for a while. For anything else or stuff that you were afraid to ask… well, you’ll find it.

And now your moment of zen.

You’re Welcome.

-Midnight

Yes, I think Tom Toles is REALLY funny and has been for years.

-Midnight

Stolen from Fark

Dear Jorge plans to address the nation tonight, a speech wherein he will almost surely attempt to deceive citizens into believing that he does not wish the mass migration from Mexico to continue unabated. He will likely offer some negligible resources for law enforcement and border security – resources which will never materialize – in return for an amnesty program that will grant American citizenship to the Mexican nationals who have helped lower America’s wage rates by 16 percent over the last 32 years.

And he will be lying, again, just as he lied when he said: “Massive deportation of the people here is unrealistic – it’s just not going to work.”

Not only will it work, but one can easily estimate how long it would take. If it took the Germans less than four years to rid themselves of 6 million Jews, many of whom spoke German and were fully integrated into German society, it couldn’t possibly take more than eight years to deport 12 million illegal aliens, many of whom don’t speak English and are not integrated into American society.

I don’t even know what to say. You can see the rest of the article and his haircut here. I just an dumbfounded that someone would say something so disgusting.

-Midnight

I really really really like Kylie Minogue.

Stolen from mofi

http://www.sundaytimes.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,18752304%5E950,00.html

Have you got the definitive derriere?

09apr06

FEW women would claim to have the perfect bottom. But for those in need of reassurance that it is within reach, a scientist has come to the rescue by working out a mathematical formula they believe adds up to the perfect posterior.

The magical figures are (S+C) x (B+F)/T = V. Though the equation looks rather complicated, it is, according to the scientist, simple.

It assesses shape, bounce, firmness and symmetry – all factors that add up to the bottom line.

S is the overall shape or droopiness of the bottom, C represents how spherical the buttocks are, B measures muscular wobble or bounce, while F records the firmness.

V is the hip to waist ratio, or symmetry of the bottom, and T measures the skin texture and presence of cellulite.

David Holmes, a psychology lecturer at Manchester Metropolitan University, England, devised the formula.

He asked about 2000 women across Britain to assess their bottoms using a simple points scale.

For example, those who believed theirs resembled a trodden doughnut scored just one point for shape, whereas those with a small peach scored the maximum five.

Points were then entered into the formula and the closer a bottom scored to 80, the nearer it was to posterior perfection.

“The perfect female derriere has firmness to the touch and a resilience that prevents undue wobble or bounce, yet looks soft with flawless skin,” Dr Holmes said.

“Slender thighs and a hip-to-waist ratio of 0.7 will frame the perfect bum, well perfectly.”

Dr Holmes said that Kylie Minogue, whose celebrated bottom relaunched her career with the help of a pair of hotpants, would almost certainly score a perfect 80.

“Kylie would score amazingly well on sphericality and symmetry. Her bottom is pretty much perfect in these areas, more so than the likes of Charlotte Church or Jennifer Lopez, who have more curvy posteriors,” he said.

“While no one, of course, can be sure of the firmness and texture of Kylie’s bottom, from the exposure it has been given in the newspapers it is obviously muscular and is likely to score highly in these categories also.”

Dr Holmes’s research revealed that men and women had different opinions when it came to deciding on the best bottoms.

While women preferred the larger, curvier behind of Lopez, men found Minogue’s pert symmetry more agreeable.